Thursday, February 28, 2008

Championship Odds

This following is not for betting purposes. It is for entertainment value alone.

As we rapidly approach the postseason in season 7 of Camp, let's take a moment to assess the odds of each playoff team winning the World Series.

Arizona Thunder Chickens - 3 to 2
Any discussion on this topic has to begin with the defending, and two-time champion Arizona Thunder Chickens. The Peckers come into the playoff with the number 1 ranked offense and the number 2 ranked pitching staff. The lineup is full of dudes that get on base (the team OBA is .421). The staff has 4 20-game winners, including Cy-favorite Earl "Methuselah" Gabriel (who colson almost traded to me early in the season, dammit) who is 28-2. Perhaps the only weakness in this ballclub is the lack of a pure closer. (Valdivia is nice, but his stamina limits him). Of course, scoring 8 runs a game in the regular season, the team rarely had close games where they needed a closer. This tends to be different in the post-season. Could this be the axe on the Chickens' necks?

Tampa Bay Boozers - 2 to 1
Another NL juggernaut, the Booze-hounds sport far-and-away the league's best starting rotation (team ERA of 3.21). You don't need beer-goggles to love Karl "Nipples" Piersoll (20-5/2.45), Matt "Grizzly" Adams (23-5/2.67), and Abdul "Jihad" Wallace (25-7/3.00). Like Arizona, however, the drunks lack a clear option at closer. Their offense is led by all-time HR leader Otis "the Drunk" Parent (.328/62/158) and Charles "Last Tango in" Perez (.353/28/108). If they meet up in the LCS (Toronto may have something to say about this), it'll be a battle for the ages between Arizona and Tampa Bay.

Austin Chin Music - 4 to 1
The Chin Music come into the playoffs as the #1 seed in the AL. The strength of the team is in their offense, which comes in at 3rd-best in the league (.304/.373/.507). Season 6 MVP Willie (Nilly" Chavez (.327/57/174), Dusty "Bad" Mann (.353/34/111), Willie "Wonka" Cambridge (.328/38/125), and mid-season acquisition Homer "Sexual" Simmons (.356/22/105) lead the way. The rotation is headed by 2-time Cy Young Rafael Osuna "O-later" (18-5/3.27). Alas, despite a season-long effort to trade for another front-end starter, in Chin Music's staff there's a significant dropoff from Osuna to the #2, Rico Cruz "Control" (17-6/4.37) and #3, Chuck "Big Dick" Griffin (16-7/4.55). This could very well be the downfall of Austin.

Toronto Greased-Up Deaf Guys - 5 to 1
Sporting arguably the most exciting pitcher in the history of the league (Don "Corleone" Bale), Toronto comes in with some momentum. The league's 4th-best staff is dramatically improved by the late-season addition of Bale (3-0/3.93 in his first 5 starts). Sven "Viking" Simmons (18-7/3.50) and a very good bully back up Bale. The offense is led by HR-hitting contest champ Izzy "Fa-shizzie" Florie (.360/40/112), rookie Evan "Almighty" Harrison (.357/15/72), and slugger Jim Drese "Monkey" (.319/40/109). If Toronto doesn't win it this season, they most likely will soon, as their farm system is LOADED.

San Francisco Slumpbusters - 7 to 1
The #2 seed coming out of the AL, SF may need numerous liaisons with some of Mark Grace's slumpbusting fat chicks to go all the way. The leaders of the team are Raymond "Van Down by the River" Farley (.330/61/165), Skeeter "Wife-beater" Duncan (19-5/3.04), and a shut-down bully. While stacked, this team will have to sleep its way through at least two better teams to win it all.


kalikgod said...

I am putting the Pounder on the list at 10-1

pvc4twenty said...